It’s been a year and a half since a stage 4 cancer diagnosis at age 40 rocked my world. I shared the story of my rare diagnosis of cancer of the appendix last February.
I am a wife and mother to a three-year-old girl and have been a journalist at Fox News for 16 years. I am also part of that shocking new cohort of adults under the age of 50 being diagnosed with cancer.
I have always considered myself a healthy and active person, so my cancer diagnosis came as a complete shock to my family and me. It was a special shock because just two years before, I had received another extremely rare diagnosis while I was pregnant with my daughter. What began as dull, continuous abdominal pains in the summer of 2023 turned into a very emotional and challenging cancer battle within months.
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Since my cancer diagnosis, I’ve been on a journey that has taught me a lot about life, faith and my own physical and emotional strength. Often, I question how I will ever get through this. But then I look at my beautiful daughter and the answer looks right back at me.
It’s been a year and a half since my diagnosis. I feel physically and psychologically good most days. By October 2024, I had completed 24 rounds of chemotherapy and decided to seek a second opinion about my diagnosis and then current treatment. An email and phone call later, I found myself flying to Houston to meet with a team at MD Anderson Cancer Center. A new plan for my care was developed that included a very necessary surgery in February. I am still recovering from it. The cancer is still there but we have a new plan of attack. Thank God, I still have options.
Last year wasn’t just about forging through grueling infusions every other week, it was also about life lessons.
Here’s some of what I’ve learned.
I’ve learned that I can still have a life while fighting cancer and not let the disease define me or beat me down. In fact, I’ve had many people ask me if I was in remission. While my case is a serious one, all the worries I had at the time of diagnosis, never came to be.
I had worried I’d lose my hair and be sick most of the time. That’s not been true. Other than my cancer (and whatever virus my daughter is bringing home from daycare), I feel healthy.
I was worried that I would have a long recovery in Texas after my most recent surgery and be separated from my daughter for weeks. To my surprise, I was cleared to fly home less than a week after major abdominal surgery. I credit my quick discharge to my amazing care team (of course), but also to maintaining a very healthy diet, staying active and spending lots of time outside. My husband and daughter are my two guiding lights and I am grateful for lots of prayers. I ask God for strength every morning and give thanks to Him for allowing me to wake up feeling good.
I’ve learned to appreciate the smallest things in life and all the beauty that is around me, to “stop and smell the roses” if you will. As a family, we are still able to do just about everything we would normally do and maybe even more, knowing that there is no reason to wait.
As a former competitive figure skater, I still find solace in being on the ice. Maybe it is because nothing has taught me more about falling hard than my skating years. No matter how hard you fall in competition, you must get right back up, because the music doesn’t stop, just like life.
I focus more on the blessings in my day-to-day life. Yes, I have cancer, it sucks and it is scary, but being grateful helps protect me from my fears and negative thinking. I think about all the people that have come into my life since my diagnosis, especially those who beat it and are rays of encouragement. There are also those who are fighting along with me and those who, unfortunately, have passed away. I am blessed and thankful to have brilliant doctors caring for me, who, despite appendiceal cancer being a rare one, are constantly researching and working on treatments.
You learn to make the most out of difficult situations. Though my husband and I painfully miss our daughter when we travel to Texas, we know she is being spoiled and well taken care of by her grandparents.
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She has a best friend at her little school now and such caring teachers who keep her busy and distracted. Another blessing. And when my husband and I have to go to Texas it gives us time to reconnect as a couple. We now have some favorite spots in Houston that we like to go to when we have free time away from appointments. And we always make sure to bring home a pair of cowgirl boots or a cowgirl hat for our daughter.
While I naturally worry about the future, I try to focus on living within the boundaries of today. There is a lot that is out of our control, but worrying about what may or may never happen doesn’t make sense. It just creates wasted stress and anxiety. I know my cancer is a step-by-step journey, even though it feels like the ‘Rocky Steps’. I still strive for faith over fear. It’s not easy, but it is important not to let my fear influence my strength.
Of course, all of this is easier said than done and takes a lot of emotional and physical strength you don’t realize you have till you’re faced with such a challenge. People keep telling me that “I’m so strong” and “I’ve got this” but often I feel like a fraud because there are still lots of tears and moments when I want to smash plates. I have to push back against the intrusive thoughts. Of course, I also have days when I just want to lay in bed, so I can wake up from this nightmare.
There are times when I want the days to just fly by but also feel like time is going by way too fast. There are times when I seem to lack patience. Times when it’s hard to just focus on playing “restaurant” with my daughter without having cancer constantly on my mind.
I remember the first piece of advice I received when I was diagnosed with cancer. It is what I would offer to anyone in my situation who has been newly diagnosed or is going through a challenging time. It came from my brother. When I told him the news about my cancer and once I had gotten through all the “why me’s,” he reminded me that it’s not about what happens to you but how you handle what happens to you. Like the famous quote, “life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it”.
I will continue to handle my diagnosis as I always have, as a life inconvenience. My plan is to keep forging ahead, listening to the doctors and living life as normally as I can through prayer, gratitude and faith. I will also keep focusing on my health — both body and soul. I’ll also keep enjoying the outdoors, walks with the dog, writing and music. And, I’ll continue to be a sister, daughter and friend. And most importantly, I’ll always be a wife and a mother to my precious daughter.
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