America has a parenting problem. We’re raising our kids to be dependent adults – financially coddled long past the point of reason. And it’s not just hurting them. It’s killing our retirement.
As a parent of three children aged 23, 25 and 27, I get asked all the time about when the right time is to get your kids off the family payroll. When should you “kick” them out of the house? When should they get off the family mobile phone bill? When should they take over their own car insurance?
Over the past 10 years, I’ve seen firsthand how Baby Boomer and Gen X parents sabotage their golden years trying to bankroll their grown children’s lives. Enough is enough. If your kid is 25, has a college degree, and still expects you to Venmo them money for their You Tube TV bill, it’s time for a family intervention – not another handout.
Let’s talk about why it’s time to cut the cord and how to do it without wrecking your family dynamics – or your future.
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According to Pew Research, over 50% of Americans aged 18 to 29 are living at home with their parents. Have we become Italy? Let that sink in. More than half of young adults are still sleeping in their childhood bedrooms, many of them not paying rent, utilities or even their own Netflix subscriptions. Is this really because inflation has grown massively over the past five years?
Instead, we’ve raised and coddled a generation of kids with participation trophies and safety nets so wide they don’t know what it means to fall – and get back up. My career started with having $67 to my name in a Boston BayBank account and living in Section 8 housing in South Boston. It motivated me to work hard and become a big success.
You could argue though, it’s not entirely their fault. In 1980, the home to income ratio was 2 to 1 and now in 2025 it’s 6 to 1. Wages simply have not kept up with the cost of real estate. College is more expensive, grocery prices have skyrocketed, and new and used car prices are at an all-time high.
WHY CODDLING OUR CHILDREN ULTIMATELY HURTS THEM
But there’s a fine line between helping and enabling. And right now, too many parents are crossing it.
The right time to get your kids off the family payroll? Between 22 and 25, no exceptions. By that age, they should be working, budgeting and learning how to manage money without your daily deposits.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t help them through school or during a job transition. But after graduation – or a reasonable gap year – it’s time for them to face the real world. If they’re still living at home, they need to contribute. Charge rent. Ask them to pay their share of groceries and utilities. Hold them accountable.
Parents often ask me what’s OK to cover after their kids turn 22. Here’s the short list:
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Everything else – rent, car insurance, cell phone, credit cards, student loans, groceries, even gas – should be on them. Yes, it’s hard. But that’s life. And it’s far better to teach financial responsibility now than watch them flounder at 35 because no one made them pay a bill. You only value what you earn, not what’s given to you.
Here’s what nobody wants to say out loud: you can’t retire on guilt. Every dollar you spend bailing out your adult children is a dollar you’re not putting into your 401(k), IRA or savings. Over time, it adds up – big time and why many people now must work into their 70s.
A recent Merrill Lynch study showed that parents spend an average of $500 per month supporting adult children. That’s $6,000 a year. Over a decade, that’s $60,000 – money that could grow your nest egg or pay off your mortgage.
If you don’t start protecting your own future, who’s going to support you later? Your kid who doesn’t know how to write a check?
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You don’t need to be mean. You need to be clear. Happiness is about expectations met or unmet, so it’s time to set expectations. Sit down with your kids and lay out a plan:
Set a deadline: “In six months, you’ll be covering your own car insurance and phone bill.”
Charge rent if they’re living at home: Even a few hundred bucks builds responsibility. If you want to save it and give it to them when they leave, that could make perfect sense.
Offer tools, not bailouts: Teach them to budget, apply for jobs and build credit.
Share your retirement goals: Let them see the bigger picture – your financial health matters, too.
Loving your kids doesn’t mean supporting them forever. It means preparing them to stand on their own two feet. If you really want to help them, stop being their bank. Give them the skills and motivation to earn their own paycheck – and protect yours.
Because in the end, your job isn’t to raise kids. It’s to raise adults.
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